My friend Holly Gerth, sent an email today that really hit me hard. She's been talking about 7 Secrets to Overcoming Fear. She got me with "{6} Be Willing to Look a Little Silly." For the most part, I'd be willing to just admit, I am a little silly. Sometimes, I still don't really feel like a grown up. Her point is that sometimes we are afraid to put ourselves out there because we don't want to look silly. Yes, I'll be honest, that's me. It has been hard for me to put myself out there. I am afraid of what people will think. I'm not sure why. I don't really care what they think, but still.... every time, I have to just make myself click the "post" on facebook or "publish" on my blog.
While I have found amazing support for trip, I have also encountered some who just don't understand why I feel the need to go to Uganda. To know God, really know Him in an experiential way, and to see His purpose fulfilled in my life has always been my deepest desire. Of course, for the most part, throughout my life, I feel I have failed miserably at attaining anything close to this. However, the desire has always been there even in the darkest days when I felt God was nowhere near.
For the last couple of years, I have specifically cried out to God to show me his plan for my life. No time like the present, right? I'm not getting any younger. Don't get me wrong. God has worked in my life throughout the years with respect to being a wife and oh.....the never-ending quest to learn how to be a good mother to my children. I'm still working on that one! Even just learning how to walk with Him consistently, daily. No matter, whatever it is, we never arrive. The journey is long and the road is narrow. But what else did I need to do to see His purpose fulfilled in my life? I longed for an opportunity to minister in some way other than my family and the limited opportunities of living in a very small town. Slowly, my desire to be involved in missions resurrected. At first, it didn't seem possible. Actually, clear up to about a month ago, it didn't seem possible.
I'm not sure what I really expected to happen when told the Lord I would go to Uganda. I was sincere and I was speaking out of the abundance of my heart in obedience to what I felt was the leading of His Spirit. Once I spoke the words, I knew that I needed to take the next step and the next step. It was out of obedience and a desire to follow Him, and He led me each step of the way, and continues to do so, all the while building my faith. I'm right where I want to be. Following Jesus. Why would I want to be anywhere else? I don't want to merely listen to the word, I want to do what it says. James 1:22. James goes on to say in verse 27:
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.Someone said to me, "You are so brave!" Oh no, not me. You have the wrong girl. Remember, I have to make myself share on facebook. How will I handle the long plane ride? A foreign country and culture? Strange food? Are there bugs? Have you ever heard of squatty potty? Being away from my family for so long? It just doesn't matter. I really have not focused on those things. They are there, and I will face them, but they are not my focus. I pray Ephesians 3:14-21:
For this reason, I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen me with power through his Spirit in my inner being, so that Christ may dwell in my heart, through faith. And I pray that being rooted and established in love, I may have power together with the rest of my team, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that we may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasureably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen!I'm just going to keep my eyes on Jesus and trust that He will empower me with the strength I need.....whether its putting myself out there on facebook or my blog, or taking this trip to Uganda with all its unknowns.
When we had our foster babies, I said it was the hardest most wonderful thing I had ever done. I think this trip to Uganda will win that title. I know it will be hard, but I am expecting wonderful things.
Thank you so much for your prayers for me as I prepare for this trip.
Trusting in Him,
Shelli
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