Keeping My Eyes On Jesus

I'm home sick.  My head is pounding.  But my heart is so full.

My friend Holly Gerth, sent an email today that really hit me hard.  She's been talking about 7 Secrets to Overcoming Fear.  She got me with "{6} Be Willing to Look a Little Silly."  For the most part, I'd be willing to just admit, I am a little silly.  Sometimes, I still don't really feel like a grown up.  Her point is that sometimes we are afraid to put ourselves out there because we don't want to look silly.  Yes, I'll be honest, that's me.  It has been hard for me to put myself out there.  I am afraid of what people will think.  I'm not sure why.  I don't really care what they think, but still....  every time, I have to just make myself click the "post" on facebook or "publish" on my blog. 
While I have found amazing support for trip, I have also encountered some who just don't understand why I feel the need to go to Uganda.  To know God, really know Him in an experiential way, and to see His purpose fulfilled in my life has always been my deepest desire.  Of course, for the most part, throughout my life, I feel I have failed miserably at attaining anything close to this.  However, the desire has always been there even in the darkest days when I felt God was nowhere near. 

For the last couple of years, I have specifically cried out to God to show me his plan for my life.  No time like the present, right?  I'm not getting any younger.  Don't get me wrong.  God has worked in my life throughout the years with respect to being a wife and oh.....the never-ending quest to learn how to be a good mother to my children.  I'm still working on that one!  Even just learning how to walk with Him consistently, daily.  No matter, whatever it is, we never arrive.  The journey is long and the road is narrow.  But what else did I need to do to see His purpose fulfilled in my life?  I longed for an opportunity to minister in some way other than my family and the limited opportunities of living in a very small town.  Slowly, my desire to be involved in missions resurrected.  At first, it didn't seem possible.  Actually, clear up to about a month ago, it didn't seem possible. 

I'm not sure what I really expected to happen when told the Lord I would go to Uganda.  I was sincere and I was speaking out of the abundance of my heart in obedience to what I felt was the leading of His Spirit.  Once I spoke the words, I knew that I needed to take the next step and the next step.  It was out of obedience and a desire to follow Him, and He led me each step of the way, and continues to do so, all the while building my faith.  I'm right where I want to be.  Following Jesus.  Why would I want to be anywhere else?  I don't want to merely listen to the word, I want to do what it says.  James 1:22.  James goes on to say in verse 27:

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this:  to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Someone said to me, "You are so brave!"   Oh no, not me.  You have the wrong girl.  Remember, I have to make myself share on facebook.  How will I handle the long plane ride?  A foreign country and culture?  Strange food?  Are there bugs?  Have you ever heard of squatty potty?  Being away from my family for so long?  It just doesn't matter.  I really have not focused on those things.  They are there, and I will face them, but they are not my focus.   I pray Ephesians 3:14-21:

For this reason, I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name.  I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen me with power through his Spirit in my inner being, so that Christ may dwell in my heart, through faith.  And I pray that being rooted and established in love, I may have power together with the rest of my team, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that we may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.  

Now to him who is able to do immeasureably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen!

I'm just going to keep my eyes on Jesus and trust that He will empower me with the strength I need.....whether its putting myself out there on facebook or my blog, or taking this trip to Uganda with all its unknowns.  

When we had our foster babies, I said it was the hardest most wonderful thing I had ever done.  I think this trip to Uganda will win that title.  I know it will be hard, but I am expecting wonderful things.  

Thank you so much for your prayers for me as I prepare for this trip. 

Trusting in Him,

Shelli

Bless and Be Blessed

I am so excited this week I can hardly wipe the silly grin off my face.  I know....it's crazy!

On Sunday afternoon, seven ladies met at my house and in short order had a lasagna benefit dinner all planned out.  They made of list of who would make lasagna, desserts, bring french bread all buttered and ready to heat.  It will be March 4th at the 4-H building.  We will be serving from 11:30 to 2:00.  It will be in the newspaper, announced at local churches and posters are already up around town.  It just amazed me.  I've lived in this small town for 16 years now.  I know first hand how giving and generous these people can  be and how they pull together for each other, but this is for me.  They are donating pans of lasagna, desserts, bread and their time for me, and ultimately for the children of Uganda.  I was so blessed.  So blessed, in fact, that I had to go out and find someone else to be a blessing to. 

There is a group here in town that has purchased a house for a widow who needs a home.  They have two weeks to get it ready and it needs major work.  I was off work on Monday and watched as they all arrived at the house to begin work.  The house is just down the street.  I had an agenda for Monday, work here at home that needed to be done.  Although I didn't have time to go help them paint, I was sure I could feed them.  I know from experience when you are working like that figuring out how to feed everyone is a real challenge.  There is no time to cook and eating out gets so expensive.  On my way to the store, I stopped by the house to see if they would like me to bring them supper that evening.  It was cold and windy and a pot of chili seemed like a good idea.  It was a good idea.  They were able to take a break that evening and have chili, tortillas, cheese, orange slices and oatmeal, chocolate chip brownies. 

On Tuesday, my passport came!  That was fast!  My beaded necklaces also came.  How fun!  I got out about six different bright colors out and wore them the rest of the day.  I am selling these necklaces for a $20 donation to help support Ugandan mothers and orphans.  They are made out of recycled paper.  I'd sure like to see how they make them.  Maybe I'll get the chance while I'm there.

On Wednesday, Gavin came to see me.  For those of you who don't know who Gavin is, I had the wonderful privilege of being his momma from the time he was 3 months old until he was 16 months old.  He is 11 now.  His grandmother is raising him and she is so good to keep in touch with us.  Gavin is still so special to us and we are pretty important to him also.  They don't live too far away so we get to see him from time to time.  She didn't tell him where they were going until he walked into my office and saw me.  We were both so excited to see each other we were teary-eyed.  I hugged and kissed on him and he was more than happy to let me.  Oh how I love that little boy!

Our trip coordinator set up a facebook group for our team.  We have started introducing ourselves and getting to know a little bit about each other.  I am so excited to meet these people. 

Two of them are in the process of adopting from Africa.  Another two of us have adopted domestically.  Ha! And I'm not the only one whose husband is afraid his wife will come home with a little African baby in tow.... Several of us have never been on a missions trip like this before.  One of them is married to someone who grew up in Kansas and went to KU!  Rock chalk Jayhawk!

 It was just so interesting to hear their stories and see that we share the same passion for orphans...oh, and how the Lord led each of us to be going on this trip!  You can just see the hand of God working in their lives so similar to what I am experiencing.  And we are going to come together and experience God together in Uganda.  May His will and His purpose be fulfilled in all of us!

Speaking of "His will," please pray with me for Sixty Feet ministries.  Our team is supposed to be spending two days with these dear people and loving on these children.  A situation has come up that needs prayer.   Let's just pray that God's will be done "on earth as it is in heaven."  That should cover it!

Well, it has been a busy night of trying to get some computer work caught up, making three pans of  lasagna for the benefit dinner and another meal for the construction crew.   We are planning to go to Denver this weekend to spend some time with my family.  I have missed them so much.  We will be celebrating my Dad's birthday while we are there.  Happy Birthday, Daddy!

Thank you....all you dear friends, for sharing this with me.

We are blessed.  Let's go out and find someone to bless!

Trusting in Him,

Shelli

Valentine's Day Ramblings

Happy Valentine's Day!

Today is not only Valentine's Day.  It is also the deadline for having my initial funding in for my trip to Uganda.  Several have asked if I received what I needed for this deadline.  Joyfully, I can answer "Yes!"

But, I love the way Paul says it:

I have received full payment and even more; I am amply supplied, now that I have received the gifts you sent.  They are a fragrant offering, an acceptable sacrifice, pleasing to God.  And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.  To our God and Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen!  (My slight paraphrase of Philipians 4:18-20)

God did immeasurably more than I could ask or imagine.  This last week was amazing.  The outpouring of support for this effort has been confirmation to me that God is truly leading me, and that all of these wonderful people supporting me understand that, and have confidence in me, and what I am setting out to do.  It's humbling and exciting because I know it is only by God's grace.  Thank you to all of you who made donations, sent letters, cards and emails with words of encouragement, called, stopped by my office, commented on facebook.  I appreciate all of you so much.   Also, a special thank you to Katy Reynolds who wrote an article for our local newspaper.  She did a fantastic job.  Everyday this past week was truly an adventure just waiting to see what God would do next.

Some wonderful women have volunteered to plan a benefit dinner to help bring in the remaining amount of money for the trip.  How wonderful!  March 4, we are having a communitywide lasagna dinner (or out here in western Kansas, it might actually be several communities).  It will be on a Sunday right after morning church services so everyone can come out for lunch.  We will be serving lasagna, bread, salad and dessert for a free-will donation.  If anyone local would like to help, please call Jannifer Reynolds.  I will also have beaded necklaces for a $20 donation made by women in Uganda.

Oh, I just want to praise Him!

Give thanks to the Lord, call on His name;

make known among the nations what he has done.

Sing to him, sing praise to him;

tell of all his wonderful acts.

Glory in his holy name;

let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice.

Look to the Lord and his strength;

seek his face always.

Psalms 105:1-4

We had a sweet time with our family tonight celebrating Valentine's Day.  My husband got me a Willow Tree Angel "Blessings--Each day, unexpected blessings."  So perfect!  She is holding her arms out, hands open, ready to receive whatever He has to give.  That's my interpretation.  I love it.

And one more thing for your Valentine's Day enjoyment, a reminder of the Father's love.  A beautiful song.....  

Today's post is totally random.  But that's how life is sometimes.

Trusting in Him,

Shelli

How Did I Get Here?

A few weeks ago, we were enjoying some girl time, me and a few friends.  We discussed how God weaves His story in our lives....how we all have a story.  A couple of us had a hard time trying to figure out what our story would be.  We can look back  through our lives and see how God has led us and how we've grown, but our progress seems so slow.  We wondered if our stories were worth sharing or if they had any real value.  Even though we each thought our own personal stories lacked value, we could see great worth in each others stories.

And now a new chapter begins in my story.  How did I get here--preparing to go to Uganda?  Sometimes in order to understand where we are, we have to go back and find out where we've been.

The day I told the Lord that if He wanted me to go to Uganda, I would go, I decided that this was a very real, momentous occasion, and I should write it in my journal.  Now you need to understand, I don't journal.  Well, okay, I guess I shouldn't say that.  I have tried to journal off and on throughout the years, more off than on.  What was really interesting was when I looked back at my last entry.  Here it is:

March 5, 2011

After heart wrenching days of reading stories about children in Guatemala and orphanages in Sudan and Uganda, I am completely undone.  I have cried until my eyes are swollen and I'm exhausted.  I am so ready to lay my life down for whatever God would have me do.  But here I am, just a western Kansas wife and mother and I don't know what God wants me to do.  I have a husband to submit to and children to love and raise.

So last night, trying to stop crying and not having much luck, I hear God ask, "Do you trust Me?"  I quickly say, "Yes, I trust You."  God asks, "Will you open your hands and accept with grace whatever I have for you, even if it is to wait?"  "Yes, Lord, I will receive with thanksgiving whatever You give.  I will pray and wait and practice and grow and teach my children.  I will wait..."

The entire rest of the year was about waiting.  I continued to seek the Lord and continually prayed "I will trust in you Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding.  In all my ways, I will acknowledge you and wait for you to direct my path," and I waited. 

I waited to be finished with the job I had at that time.  I knew changes were coming, but didn't know for sure what would happen or when.  So I waited.

When I found out that my office would be closing and that I would continue working that job with a commute to the neighboring town each day until the end of summer, I continued to wait. 

I started searching for a job, still praying that God would direct me, and I waited.

I got a wonderful new job but waited another 5 weeks before starting. 

My new office was under construction, so for a couple months I worked out of the conference room and waited.

We started a major home remodeling project and my house was wrecked.  For four months, I waited. 

Christmas day we moved furniture back into the living room and it was almost like God said to me, "Let's get going, we have work to do."

Now here I am in a place I didn't expected to be.  But I'm learning to know Him and I'm experiencing Him leading me.  Constantly, I look to Him and He confirms His word to me again and again.  I am amazed and overwhelmed at His goodness!

In my search for guidance, I looked to my Dad, right?  Isn't that what a girl should do?  I remembered Dad's article "How To Know Its God" and knew I needed to read those words of wisdom again.  It is way too good not to share, so I will reprint it here in its entirety. 

How To Know It’s God 

When you commit yourself to the Lord and to an intimate relationship with Him, He will begin to reveal Himself to you in ways you never noticed before.  Salvation or eternal life is only found in an intimate, experiential relationship with God.  So, you must learn in time, by experience, to know Him (John 17:3).  God’s purpose is to reveal Himself to you in an on-going relationship as you “work out your own salvation” (Philippians 2:12-13), so you can learn to understand and recognize Him.  And while He’s revealing Himself to you, He’s using all sorts of creative situations to conform you to the image of His Son (Romans 8:28-29).  But, if you’re not careful, you can easily miss God.  

The reason is that when God reveals Himself, it is not usually in ways the world would understand.  This can bring us to a crisis point, as we compare what God may be doing to what we know is the conventional wisdom of the world.  God will not work according to the wisdom of this world.  In fact, He will usually do just the opposite.  The key to knowing whether it’s God or not is found in this paraphrase of

I Corinthians 1:18-21:   

“The lesson that must be learned in our suffering with Christ is that, even though it looks foolish to those who are perishing without God, it is (in reality) the continual revelation of the power of God to us who are being saved.  Remember what Isaiah said, ‘God will turn conventional wisdom upside down.  The time will come when the so-called experts will be the ones who look foolish.’  So, where does that put the one who thinks he’s wise, or the well educated, or the one who understands the ways of the world?  Isn’t God going to expose all of this pretentious nonsense?  The world never had a clue when it came to knowing and understanding God.  That’s why He likes to use the things that the world thinks are stupid or wrong or even unpleasant, to guide those who trust in Him on their way to salvation.”  

For those of us who are learning to know God, we must not look at things with the eyes of our flesh or human understanding.  We must learn to see with spiritual eyes, if we expect to see God.  So, when you look at your circumstances: 

- If it looks totally impossible (it’s probably God)

- If it’s going to cost you something you think you can’t afford (more than likely, it’s God)

- If it’s something unpleasant that you would rather avoid if you could (you can be pretty sure that it’s God)

- If it’s opposite conventional, worldly wisdom (that sounds like it might be God)

- If it’s going to make you trust God and stretch your faith (that’s God)

- If it’s something that makes you aware of your own weaknesses or faults (it’s God)

- If it gives you the opportunity to humble yourself (it’s definitely God)

- If it’s taking longer than you think it should (there’s a good chance it’s God)

- If it makes you look foolish to those who don’t know God (it’s God, again)

- If it makes you look like a failure to those who think they really know God (it’s probably God)

- If it makes your heart ache and makes you cry out to God for help (God’s at work, like it or not)

- If you don’t understand it, don’t know what it’s going to take to fix it, or don’t have a clue what to do about it (look for God, that’s probably Him too!) 

Having a real relationship with God is an exciting adventure.  It’s unpredictable because it will usually contradict anything we know or can reason in our mind.  God wants to teach us to trust Him, and the only way we can learn to do that is to submit to Him and hang on! 

But understand this, the journey will take you places you don’t want to go, force you to do things you don’t want to do, cause you to feel things you never wanted to feel and know things about yourself that you never wanted to know.  If you submit yourself to God, He will begin to tear you down, so He can rebuild you in the image of His Son.  The tearing down and rebuilding process will be exciting, perplexing, excruciating, joyful, fulfilling and depressing.  And many times you won’t understand it – except when you’re able to look back and see what God did and know how you changed! 

Copyright 2001 © Community Fellowship  The reproduction and non-commercial use of this material is permitted.

And that's it.  That's where I am and how I got here.  I cried out to God, over and over and over.  This is a very strange place to be.  I can't say that I particularly recognize it.  It hasn't happened to me quite like this before.  God is stretching me and getting me out of my comfort zone.  But He is also answering my prayer because that is what I asked for.  You can't walk with God and stand still.  Even when you are waiting, you are moving.

The eyes of my flesh say "How in the world did I get here?"  "What am I doing?"  But the eyes of my spirit see this is where God has led me, and I am humbled, grateful, wholly surrendered, trusting, broken and poured out.  There is no place I'd rather be.

Trusting in Him,

Shelli


(For those of you who don't know my Dad, his name is Ken Brown.  He is the pastor of a small group of home churches called Community Fellowship in Colorado.  To read more of his work, visit http://www.voiceofonecrying.com/.)

He's Sending Me!

I never thought I'd see the day that I would have a blog, but God is writing His story in my life and it is time to step out in faith to share my journey.  I am believing that God will lead some of you to join with me in what He is leading me to do. 

Since I was a young girl, I have been fascinated with missionaries, orphanages and adoption.  Those of you who know me know this to be true.  Those of you who have known me since high school will remember that I wanted to be a missionary to New Guinea!  Yes, my husband, Brian, still laughs about that.  He cannot see me living in such an environment.  But I have to say this isn't about me.  This isn't about what I am capable of doing. 

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory...  Ephesians 3:20-21

I'm like the over-zealous student in class raising her hand, squirming in her seat, "Pick me, pick me."  "I want to go, Lord, send me!"  How humbling then when He speaks and confirms and is....sending me.....to Uganda! 

There are two million reasons to go.  Two millions reasons to love.  Two million orphans.  Stories of these Ugandan orphans have melted me to tears many nights as I've read them to my family after dinner.  Brian and I have been praying for years for the Lord to lead us, to show us a ministry that we could be involved in.  In the past year, my heart has been burdened for orphans in Africa.  We considered sponsoring children through one of the many organizations that provide for the needs of orphans in that way, but longed to serve in a more direct way, to be more involved than just sending our check every month.  A couple of weeks ago after reading about some ministries in Uganda it became clear to me that we can indeed be involved in ministry there, even though we live here.  I told the Lord that day that if he wanted me to go to Uganda, I would go.   I didn't realize I would be leaving so soon.....

There is a christian non-profit organization called Visiting Orphans that organizes trips to orphanages around the world and helps form partnerships for people here to sponsor orphanages and ministries in these countries.  After a phone call to the Visiting Orphans coordinator for Uganda, I felt compelled to go in April.  The trip in April is to Jinja, Uganda, the very place I want to go.  The Karimojong people living in Jinja have captured my attention.  There is a local pastor there named Andrew, who is ministering to these Karimojong women and children, leading them to the Savior.

Once again, those of you who know me know that I'm not exactly the "let's go to Africa" kinda girl.  But I so want to learn to love others in the same way that He has loved me.  Can I not lay down selfish desires to be obedient to His word? 

This is how we know what love is:  Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.  And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.  If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?  Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.  This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us.  1 John 3:16-20

After I said "Yes," I realized how God has been preparing me over this past year and even now is very clearly directing my path as I trust Him.  It is very exciting, but I'll admit I am a little nervous.  He spoke to me so clearly, "Be still and know that I am God."  I still cling to that as I continue to take one step at a time trusting Him for direction and provision.

The total cost of my trip will be in the neighborhood of $3,200.  I did not realize that I would need $2,000 by February 14 for the airfare part of the expenses when I said "Yes" to God.  I'm sure God realized that if I knew, I wouldn't have thought it possible to go on the April trip.  It was better I didn't know.  Now He can do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.  To Him be the glory!

This is not a short-term missions trip for me.  My desire is that this be a scouting trip to go and see what God is doing in Jinja, Uganda.  To meet Pastor Andrew and see the work he is doing with the Karimojong women and children.  To see these women and children and spend time with them and love on them.  And then..... come back and share with all of you what God is doing there in order that we who are willing can join together in partnering with the local Ugandan christians in spreading the love of Jesus to these precious people.  With the use of a website and the internet, we will be able to communicate with each other and hear from our partners in Uganda.

Please pray for me as I prepare for this trip.  Specifically that God will continue to direct me as I take each step forward, that financial needs will be met, that His perfect will be done while in Uganda.  There are eleven of us going.  Our team leader is Michael Smalley (Gary Smalley's son).

If you feel led to support me financially, you can donate to my trip through http://www.visitingorphans.org/.  There is a "Donate" tab.  My trip is "Uganda April 2012" and there is a place to enter my name as the team member you are sponsoring.  Or, you can send it directly to me at PO Box 404, Tribune, KS 67879, made payable to Visiting Orphans.   Additional money raised over the cost of the trip will go directly to an orphanage we visit while on our trip.

If you want to read some of the stories about what God is doing in Uganda, check out these sites:

http://www.canaanchildrenshome.org/.  Be sure to read Pastor Isaac's story.  This is where I will be staying while in Jinja.

http://www.sixtyfeet.org/.  I'm not sure if Sixty Feet is on this trip's itinerary, but their story inspired me to see what we can do from here with partners there.

http://www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/.  We will be visiting Katie while in Jinja.

Thank you for considering being a part of this endeavor.  Feel free to check back for updates on my preparations for the trip. 



The King will reply, "Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me."  Matthew 25:40